Pain

6:44pm.




Bablur dokane boshe achi. Ektu age ektu emotional hoye gechilam. Exam bishoyok. Onekei betray kore vebe mota kharap hoye gelo. Rejaul sir er eta kora thik hoyni. Khabir amr political enemy. Se amk fail korate chaite pare. But rejaul manlo kivabe? Amk ato kisu boleo. Odvut manusher chorittro.

>Rafiq ashbe na? Atokhone to asha uchit. Mindta pura black. Kichu nai.

>Chot choto kichu fun korchi polapan er sathe. Abar nistobdhota. Hashte mon hoy amr onk kosto hoy. Ashete chay na.

>Afc'r mehedi vai gelo matro. Bidae diye room a ashlam. Mehedi vai amk phone diyechilo, dhorte icche korchilo na. Takiye dekhi uni gate er shamne. Giye recieve korlam. Canteen a boshe puri cha khawalam. Elcetion niye busy. Vablam robi k o daki. Daklam, mehedi vai tar vaiyer election er jonno doa chaye. Doa, mane amrs. Unar sathe amr ato valo relation na j takey ami arms dibo. Abar cheye boshchen, na o korte pari nai. Nah! Chorom pain a porlam to. Onar sathe amrs len den kora thik hobe kina bujhtesina. Bidae deyar shomoy mithu phone diyechilo. Ora ashche amr room a. On the way. Tai room a chole elam. Amr chorom matha r cokh betha korche. Moov diyechi. Now mobile creen a takiye thakte parchina.

>Er kichukkhon por ora sobai ashlo, mithu, anis, emon, rocky, bappy, uzzol. Adda holo onekkhon. Edikey farhan r mirza phone diye ekta pt. er kotha bollo, simple jinis but police case er jonno ektu help. Korlam tarpor mithu bike a kore amk namiye diye gelo.

>Oshojjho pain lagtese. Life er proty chorom birokto. Ato jhamela dae ken allah amre. Ki j korbo bal moira jaite mon chae. Matha theke ek pain jaite na jaitei r ekta aisha hazir. Maiya jat ta e bal foul. I hate girls. Premik vaiba boisha thake bal. Kaore proshroy deya asolei kharap. Ami bachina na bal amr jalae tar upor theika abar bonus.  Dhat.

>Phone use korai bad diye dibo chinta kortesi. Ai phone e amr life ta khailo.

>Amr matha pura awlaye jacche. Ki korbo ki korbo na. Aj ato gulo problem ek sathe ken? Ato chinta korte parchi na. Ami shanti chai, ektu shanti. Hey khoda, give me serenity. Amr obostha hoise oi wallpaper tar moto. Wallpaper tae lekha, "Nobody dies virgin, At last life fuck us all" And that's waht i'm suffering from


11:00pm

Perfect 11 ta baje. Cha gorom korlam. Cha khai. Ekhon o vat khainai. Rat a na kheye ami thakte parina. Tai onicchasorte o khete hobe. Baje ekta din gelo. Ajkal odvut kichu shopno dekhi, kolpona kori. Judder film gulo kichu kichu part murder er scene r Shap. Bujhi na meaning ki.
>Shap dekhar ortho amr onk shotru. Onek shap dekhar mane onk shotru. In  my dream they comes like they are striking me. Well, no wonder of it.
>R murder gulor scene? Am ager ekta belive chilo amr normal death hobe na. Most probably homicide. Suicide o hote pare. Onk ager chinta ata. Manuh ja niye vabe segulo shopne dekhe. Ami judder film bar bar dekhtesi tai hoyoto segulo kolpona kori. But shap ki ortho bohon kore. Ani jeta vabchi setai ki?
>Vabsilam choyon asche, asole ashche robi. 17th batch. O amr bashay kichu amm pathaise, seta j dhaka pouche geche janate asche. But ami agei jani. Basha theke phone diyechilo. Okey bola uchit chilo amr. Kintu aj ato fapor a asi j janate monei chilona. Chupchap room a boshe achi. Keyboard payer upor rekhe type korchi.
>Amr blog a sobkichu likhchi er karon holo jodi beche thaki tahole 10 years pore jokhon ai post gulo porbo tokhon amr sob kichu mone porbe. Din gulo feel korte parbo. Mane akhonkar kosto gula feel korar future er raw materials jogan dibe ai blog gulo.
>Aj fmc true voice er status dekhe mejaj kharap hoye geche. Okay ber korte parle sarajibon jalabo. Ekta comment korsi or status a, Wait net connect kore ota copy kori.
>Net er j obostha. gp net biroktikor. Ashche page. Current gelo. Biroktikor. Jai hok, rege giye comment korechilam ata,
>Jui ato honest er vab dekhas aj tor honesty prove korar shomoy asche... Tor sondehe campus a amr tandob lila cholbe... Koto polapan j mair khabe, you can't imagine... atoi jokhon honest you show off yourself, tmr oporadhe onno ra mar khabe ata sotota na nischoy. R ami ato sot na vaia. Tai polapan der marte amr etotuku kharap lagbe na. Tmi chattroo league niye kotha bolteso, either you are too brave or too fool...
>Mejaj kharap lage chattro league niye baje kotha bolle. Onek kosto kore chattro league k da koriyechi. Sob kichi sacrifice korsi, tar binimoye ai bonchonagulo? Pathetic. Amr rokto pani kora politics. Ai political empire er protita bindu amr nijer hat a kora. Rajnity anar pichone oneker vumika ache. But rajnity dar korate karo vumika nei. Shudhue amr abong amr sathe jara porobortite jukto hoyeche tader. Oboshsho tader r kono way o chilo na amr kothar baire jabar. Ami jevabe bolsi sevabe korate aj rajnity atota stable j sobai chinta kore medical niye. Atai amr shopno chilo.
>R ai bara vat a chai dite chay koyekta fake id? No way. Kal theke jakey shondeho hobe takey marbo. dekhi ki sotota ache or. Mitthe onuman niye status deya honesty na. Bunch of dumb-shits.  Current asholo now.
>Gan hocche ekta. Refugee film er. Hindi gan.
>Choyon vat khaiye dite ashche.
>Aj bikele facebook a ekta status diyechi, "It doesn't worth when there's no one to see. Asolei, kothata sotto. Status ta diychilam shohel k kendro kore. O rastar opare chilo. Amk deke suicide korar vab kortesi, mane ekta garir upor laf dibe kina. Tokhon okey ai kothata bolsilam. Suppose o kono meyer jonno suicide ta korloi. Keu dekhlo na, janlo o na. Meye tar kache ata ojanai theke jabe, se kichu feel o korbe na or jono. R se dekhle obosshoi kichu feel korto. Tai kothata bolsilam.
>R ekta bepar jemon, Ami ai j kosto pacchi keu dekhtese na, jantese. So, ete ki karo kichu jae ase? Jara jane tara obosshoi amr kosto ta feel kore. Temni cupid janleo joyto ektu holeo vabto. Etai neam korsilam.
>Odvut odvut chinta ashe mathae. Ami mone hoy pagol hoye jacchi. Onno kono jogote chole jacchi. Sekhan theke ki ferar kono potha ache? Naki no way out? Janina. hoyto nai. Mrittu e ek matro way. Jibone mokkhom shomoy par kore diyechi. Now,I'm on my track. Hindi ekta movie te erokom ekta dialogue ase. Vastv a. Track, patri. Rail gari jemon rashtay cholte pare na. Bus jemon hawae cholte pare na, aeroplane jemon rail-line a cholte parena, temni amio ai track er baire hoyto konodin ber hote parbona.
>Shomaj, poribesh manush er life a chorom ekta impact fele. Ai campus amk aste aste mastan kore dilo. Showrav, jony er jonno kichuta holeo involved. Keu kisu bollei, Shipon, omuk re maira dao. Amr o matha gorom chilo age. Raiga giya senior der o jhari mere ditam. Aste aste ami mastan.
>Kintu sotti bolsi, ami mastan kokhonoi chilam na. Rajnityr khatire jotota kora lagto kortam.
>R bole ki hobe, ja janar ta to sobai janei, ami neta, mastan, kharap, addicted. Ha ha ha. Kotogula adjective amr.
>R vat khabona. Valo lagtese na. Choyon kisu din jabot dayitto niye amk khaiye dicche. Tai amr ektu time kore khawa hcche.
>Choyon k ami onk boki, but amr cheye beshi okey niye keu chinta o kore na. Even or friend shandhi o hoyto na. Jodi pari kisu korte okey lavoban korbo.
>Chadsi faris ganta shunsi. Valo gan. Onek srity bijorito. Medusa ai ganta geye amr moble a mms pathaisilo. Or ashol name likhsilam. Vablam asol name lekha thik hobe na tai change kore medusa likhlam. Or ekta id ai name a chilo. Caput Medusa. Medical term. Medusa chilo amr ek matro true love. Er age love jinish ta amr jonno game chilo. Khela. Kheltam. Onk meyer sathe ai game khelsi. Ader moddhe onekei amk body offer korsilo, tar por e relation cut up. Body share amr pokkhe possible na. Ami parbona. Aurchi to pura desperate chilo sex er jonno. But sex er proti amr konoi moho ba akorshon nai. Friend ra fazlamu kore onk shomoy bole amk, dude, don't you have a dick? Kisu bolar nai amr. Ami parina. Hoyna. But in the end sei love e amr life ta sesh kore dilo. Prothome amk neshar jogote chure fele dilo. R akhon? Damn life. Fuck you life!
>Beche thakar meaning khuje paina ami. Keno ato kosto shojjho kore beche thakte hobe? Age jokhon suicidal attempt niyechilam jokhon success hole aj amr ato kosto pete hoto na. Hoyto keu mone o rakhto na ai amk. But akhon more geleo mone rakhbe. Pura fmc kadbe hoyot. Tito sir kadbe.


12:28am.

Bristy hocche. Shundor waether.  Amr kono kichutei shanti nai. Sobai khali pain dae. Pain Pain r pain. Ami exhausted.  Jai, ektu juddho dekhe ghumanor try kori. Bye.
>Dhat! Net connection pacche na. Ekdom slow. Page e load hocche na. Page load hole ata publish korei shuye porbo.

Kolpona

11:51pm

Ekta gan k crop kore ringtone banalam. Ekhon koyekdin aita rintone hishebe use korbo. Ganta holo Krishno kolir. Valoi ganta tittle maybe bondhu amar. Ami ubuntu os use kori. Crop er application nai. tai rds er pc theke crop kore anlam.

Bondhu amr mon valo nei, tmr mon ki valo?
Bondhu esho shopno aki charta deyal jure, bondhu esho akash dekhi purota cokh khule, bondhu esho jole vashi buk vashanor shukhe. Bondhu tmr bondhu ami, bondhu mora kojon, tobuo bondhu vashi na ko, aki nako shopon.

Gantar lyrics ta valo laglo.

12:22am.

Aj valo lagche na. Tai akhon shuye porsi. Balish er pashe, 2 ta cigarette er packet. Ekta khali, r ekta te 2 ta cigarette ache, ekta matchbox, bottle a kore cha, move, r mobile. R kichu ai shomoy proyojon hoyna. R agulo protidin e thake. Khater pashe ek bottle pani. Table fan r ekta ash tray. Jodio ota use kora hobe na. Cigarette er khali packet ta ash tray hishebe use hobe. Table a r ekta packet ache. Ota te mone hoy 5 ta cigarette ache.

Mathae khub tikkhno ekta betha onuvob korlam. Ekta wave er moto. Akhon nai. Mp3 te gan cholche. Shunchi r cupid er kotha mone korchi. Amk dekhle naki onekei shanti pae, but ami to kaoke dekhle shanti pai na. Jakey dekhle ektu pai, takey dekhina. Accha ami canteen a boshe thaki, er jonno ki junior meyera ki mone kore ami tanki mari? Vabte pare. Chelera nishchoi vabbe na. Ora amk chine valo korei. Ekta cigarette dhorai. Wait.
Cigarette dhorate giye dekhlam ekta chocolate o ache. Besh. Cha thanda hoye geche. Thanda cha e khelam. Cupid k niye r kichu likhbo na. Okey niye kichu likhle beshi mone porbe. Chinta hobe, r kosto pabo. Ki dorkar nijer upor ottachar korar. Blogger ba wordpress er cheye live journal a likhe moja. Vabnar rajpothe sobuz signal jele shongket dicche cupid k niye vabar. Accha o ki bujhe amr kosto? Ki kore bujhbe, o ki jane? Hoyto jane, jana uchit. Campus er r keu ki jane or kotha? Ami jader khub beshi believe kori tara jane, bakira hoyto guess kore. Andaje dhil marleo majhe majhe lege jae. Ami addae gele chupchap thaki dekhe sobai mone kore amr onk kosto, but keu janena kosto kisher. Janar chesta korse onekei, but bertho hoye hal chere dise. Oneker life a neshr jogot tai anondonogor. Ati kalponik ekta state. Jekhane jekono kichu niye govir vabe chinta kora jae. Shukkho nibir chinta. Garo ekta onuvuti. Ai anondonogor to khonosthayi. Nesha kete gelei abar sei ager pain. Tobe ekta shuvidha holo ager dine feel kora pain r mone thake na. Life theke ekta din missing hoye jae. Evabe onkgulo din e missing hoye jae. Tai koshter onuvuti gulo sritir pata theke muche jae.

Life ta k ogochalo vabe nosto kore dilam nijer hat a. Sob kichu ki abar guchiye ana jae na? Possible but difficult. Ager sei ami r ekhon kar ami r moddhe hazar gun difference. Rollback kora onk tough hobe. Onek tough.

Somen phone diyechilo matro. Room er light off dekhe mone korse ami hoyto baire. Tai phone dilo. Ask korlo, amr ki hoise, mon kharap naki, lonely thaki keno, oder k kisu share korina keno? Ato kichur kono jobab nai amr kase vai. Answer korar khomota o nai. Ai pain emon e ekta pain j share kora jabe na. O cupid k jane. But tobuo okey ami bolte parbo na j ami cupid k khub beshi miss kortesi. Ami ai type na sobai seta dharona kore. Valobasha amk kokhono durbol korte pareni. Sobai tai e vabe. Baire theke ami nijeke khub sokto ekta manush hishebe show kori. Kintu amr vetor ta j jole pure char khar hoye jacche kibave bujhabo koake, ki va bolbo? Ami ekta voboghure jhor hoye gechi. Free man. Kono pichutan nai.

Valobasha jinista amr kache totota soccho na, kichuta osposto. Tobuo kivbe ai valobashai amk makorshar jaler moto akkre dhoreche bujhtei parini. Amr cupid onk friend der sathe hashahashi kore jokhon kotha bole, ami opolok or dikey takiye roi. Tokhon amio onk manusher sathe thaki, tobuo eka hoye jai khub tokhon. Amr friend ra o onk golpo kore hashahashi kore. Kintu amr dristy, monojog sob ek jaegae sthobir hoye jae. Ami majhe majhe kolpona kori, ami ghumiye achi, ramr cupid amk amr room a dakte asche. Ghum hotat venge jae abong ekta dirghoshas ber hoye jae. Kosto hoy khub. Majhe majhe kolpona kori ami ghumiye achi r cupid amr mathe hat buliye dicche r ghum theke dakche. Abar majhe majhe kolpona kori ami r cupid bowl dance korchi. Emon o kolpona kori majhe majhe j amr cupid amr kole matha rekhe shuye ache r ami or chul niye khela korchi. Kolpona jokhon kete jae tokhon sara jibon er jonno kolponar jogotei thakte icche kore. Isshor amk sei khomota dae ni.
Warfaze er obak valobasha ganer ekta line a bolse, sob bedona muche jak sthirotae, hridoy vore jak ostitter anonde.
Kono ostitto e to nai amr. Ami kivabe, kiser shantonae bedona gulo vulbo? She took my heart i think she took may soul. Soul, atta, ostitto.
Buker vitor ekta chapa kosto onuvuto hocche. Mone hoy senseless hoye jabo. R ekta cigarette jalai.

Aj 20th batch er ekta meye canteen a amon vabe amr dikey takalo j ami lojjae onnk dikey takiyechi. Or takanota orthoboho. Ki hote pare seta?
1. Ami canteen a asha takey lucchami mone korse. Jodi ata mone kore, seta hobe chorom vul.
2. Ai sei shipon vai. Hmm, ata vabte pare. 20th batch amr name shunse bivinnovabe. Tachara FB te fake id gula amk totha amr chattro league k niye ja shuru korse, tatey erokom vaba oshavabik na.
3. Ai sei shipon vai. In negative sense. Fake id gular kotha biswas korle.
Othoba, 4. Ai vaia ta emon keno? Different. Atao vabte pare.
Asole amr tokhon canteen a jao ta thik hoyni. Kintu situation ta jeno kemon hoye gelo. Bablur dokan er shamne theke cigarette neyer shomoy vitore oder k dekhsi. Ora hoyto vabte pare, oder dekhe ami canteen a gesi. But asole to ami canteen a mosharrof er jonno wait korar jonno gesi. Shuvo dadar okhane jete cheyechilam. Tobe eshob bepar amr kemon jeno lage. Keu negatively nicche kina chinta hoy majhe majhe. Meyeder piche ami ghuri na eta sobai jane. 20th batch notun, tobuo kichuta holeo to jane. Jai hok. Ja vabar vabuk. Amr kichu jae ashe na. Ektu ghumanor chesta kori ekhon. Bye. Good night cupid. I love you.