Pain

6:44pm.




Bablur dokane boshe achi. Ektu age ektu emotional hoye gechilam. Exam bishoyok. Onekei betray kore vebe mota kharap hoye gelo. Rejaul sir er eta kora thik hoyni. Khabir amr political enemy. Se amk fail korate chaite pare. But rejaul manlo kivabe? Amk ato kisu boleo. Odvut manusher chorittro.

>Rafiq ashbe na? Atokhone to asha uchit. Mindta pura black. Kichu nai.

>Chot choto kichu fun korchi polapan er sathe. Abar nistobdhota. Hashte mon hoy amr onk kosto hoy. Ashete chay na.

>Afc'r mehedi vai gelo matro. Bidae diye room a ashlam. Mehedi vai amk phone diyechilo, dhorte icche korchilo na. Takiye dekhi uni gate er shamne. Giye recieve korlam. Canteen a boshe puri cha khawalam. Elcetion niye busy. Vablam robi k o daki. Daklam, mehedi vai tar vaiyer election er jonno doa chaye. Doa, mane amrs. Unar sathe amr ato valo relation na j takey ami arms dibo. Abar cheye boshchen, na o korte pari nai. Nah! Chorom pain a porlam to. Onar sathe amrs len den kora thik hobe kina bujhtesina. Bidae deyar shomoy mithu phone diyechilo. Ora ashche amr room a. On the way. Tai room a chole elam. Amr chorom matha r cokh betha korche. Moov diyechi. Now mobile creen a takiye thakte parchina.

>Er kichukkhon por ora sobai ashlo, mithu, anis, emon, rocky, bappy, uzzol. Adda holo onekkhon. Edikey farhan r mirza phone diye ekta pt. er kotha bollo, simple jinis but police case er jonno ektu help. Korlam tarpor mithu bike a kore amk namiye diye gelo.

>Oshojjho pain lagtese. Life er proty chorom birokto. Ato jhamela dae ken allah amre. Ki j korbo bal moira jaite mon chae. Matha theke ek pain jaite na jaitei r ekta aisha hazir. Maiya jat ta e bal foul. I hate girls. Premik vaiba boisha thake bal. Kaore proshroy deya asolei kharap. Ami bachina na bal amr jalae tar upor theika abar bonus.  Dhat.

>Phone use korai bad diye dibo chinta kortesi. Ai phone e amr life ta khailo.

>Amr matha pura awlaye jacche. Ki korbo ki korbo na. Aj ato gulo problem ek sathe ken? Ato chinta korte parchi na. Ami shanti chai, ektu shanti. Hey khoda, give me serenity. Amr obostha hoise oi wallpaper tar moto. Wallpaper tae lekha, "Nobody dies virgin, At last life fuck us all" And that's waht i'm suffering from


11:00pm

Perfect 11 ta baje. Cha gorom korlam. Cha khai. Ekhon o vat khainai. Rat a na kheye ami thakte parina. Tai onicchasorte o khete hobe. Baje ekta din gelo. Ajkal odvut kichu shopno dekhi, kolpona kori. Judder film gulo kichu kichu part murder er scene r Shap. Bujhi na meaning ki.
>Shap dekhar ortho amr onk shotru. Onek shap dekhar mane onk shotru. In  my dream they comes like they are striking me. Well, no wonder of it.
>R murder gulor scene? Am ager ekta belive chilo amr normal death hobe na. Most probably homicide. Suicide o hote pare. Onk ager chinta ata. Manuh ja niye vabe segulo shopne dekhe. Ami judder film bar bar dekhtesi tai hoyoto segulo kolpona kori. But shap ki ortho bohon kore. Ani jeta vabchi setai ki?
>Vabsilam choyon asche, asole ashche robi. 17th batch. O amr bashay kichu amm pathaise, seta j dhaka pouche geche janate asche. But ami agei jani. Basha theke phone diyechilo. Okey bola uchit chilo amr. Kintu aj ato fapor a asi j janate monei chilona. Chupchap room a boshe achi. Keyboard payer upor rekhe type korchi.
>Amr blog a sobkichu likhchi er karon holo jodi beche thaki tahole 10 years pore jokhon ai post gulo porbo tokhon amr sob kichu mone porbe. Din gulo feel korte parbo. Mane akhonkar kosto gula feel korar future er raw materials jogan dibe ai blog gulo.
>Aj fmc true voice er status dekhe mejaj kharap hoye geche. Okay ber korte parle sarajibon jalabo. Ekta comment korsi or status a, Wait net connect kore ota copy kori.
>Net er j obostha. gp net biroktikor. Ashche page. Current gelo. Biroktikor. Jai hok, rege giye comment korechilam ata,
>Jui ato honest er vab dekhas aj tor honesty prove korar shomoy asche... Tor sondehe campus a amr tandob lila cholbe... Koto polapan j mair khabe, you can't imagine... atoi jokhon honest you show off yourself, tmr oporadhe onno ra mar khabe ata sotota na nischoy. R ami ato sot na vaia. Tai polapan der marte amr etotuku kharap lagbe na. Tmi chattroo league niye kotha bolteso, either you are too brave or too fool...
>Mejaj kharap lage chattro league niye baje kotha bolle. Onek kosto kore chattro league k da koriyechi. Sob kichi sacrifice korsi, tar binimoye ai bonchonagulo? Pathetic. Amr rokto pani kora politics. Ai political empire er protita bindu amr nijer hat a kora. Rajnity anar pichone oneker vumika ache. But rajnity dar korate karo vumika nei. Shudhue amr abong amr sathe jara porobortite jukto hoyeche tader. Oboshsho tader r kono way o chilo na amr kothar baire jabar. Ami jevabe bolsi sevabe korate aj rajnity atota stable j sobai chinta kore medical niye. Atai amr shopno chilo.
>R ai bara vat a chai dite chay koyekta fake id? No way. Kal theke jakey shondeho hobe takey marbo. dekhi ki sotota ache or. Mitthe onuman niye status deya honesty na. Bunch of dumb-shits.  Current asholo now.
>Gan hocche ekta. Refugee film er. Hindi gan.
>Choyon vat khaiye dite ashche.
>Aj bikele facebook a ekta status diyechi, "It doesn't worth when there's no one to see. Asolei, kothata sotto. Status ta diychilam shohel k kendro kore. O rastar opare chilo. Amk deke suicide korar vab kortesi, mane ekta garir upor laf dibe kina. Tokhon okey ai kothata bolsilam. Suppose o kono meyer jonno suicide ta korloi. Keu dekhlo na, janlo o na. Meye tar kache ata ojanai theke jabe, se kichu feel o korbe na or jono. R se dekhle obosshoi kichu feel korto. Tai kothata bolsilam.
>R ekta bepar jemon, Ami ai j kosto pacchi keu dekhtese na, jantese. So, ete ki karo kichu jae ase? Jara jane tara obosshoi amr kosto ta feel kore. Temni cupid janleo joyto ektu holeo vabto. Etai neam korsilam.
>Odvut odvut chinta ashe mathae. Ami mone hoy pagol hoye jacchi. Onno kono jogote chole jacchi. Sekhan theke ki ferar kono potha ache? Naki no way out? Janina. hoyto nai. Mrittu e ek matro way. Jibone mokkhom shomoy par kore diyechi. Now,I'm on my track. Hindi ekta movie te erokom ekta dialogue ase. Vastv a. Track, patri. Rail gari jemon rashtay cholte pare na. Bus jemon hawae cholte pare na, aeroplane jemon rail-line a cholte parena, temni amio ai track er baire hoyto konodin ber hote parbona.
>Shomaj, poribesh manush er life a chorom ekta impact fele. Ai campus amk aste aste mastan kore dilo. Showrav, jony er jonno kichuta holeo involved. Keu kisu bollei, Shipon, omuk re maira dao. Amr o matha gorom chilo age. Raiga giya senior der o jhari mere ditam. Aste aste ami mastan.
>Kintu sotti bolsi, ami mastan kokhonoi chilam na. Rajnityr khatire jotota kora lagto kortam.
>R bole ki hobe, ja janar ta to sobai janei, ami neta, mastan, kharap, addicted. Ha ha ha. Kotogula adjective amr.
>R vat khabona. Valo lagtese na. Choyon kisu din jabot dayitto niye amk khaiye dicche. Tai amr ektu time kore khawa hcche.
>Choyon k ami onk boki, but amr cheye beshi okey niye keu chinta o kore na. Even or friend shandhi o hoyto na. Jodi pari kisu korte okey lavoban korbo.
>Chadsi faris ganta shunsi. Valo gan. Onek srity bijorito. Medusa ai ganta geye amr moble a mms pathaisilo. Or ashol name likhsilam. Vablam asol name lekha thik hobe na tai change kore medusa likhlam. Or ekta id ai name a chilo. Caput Medusa. Medical term. Medusa chilo amr ek matro true love. Er age love jinish ta amr jonno game chilo. Khela. Kheltam. Onk meyer sathe ai game khelsi. Ader moddhe onekei amk body offer korsilo, tar por e relation cut up. Body share amr pokkhe possible na. Ami parbona. Aurchi to pura desperate chilo sex er jonno. But sex er proti amr konoi moho ba akorshon nai. Friend ra fazlamu kore onk shomoy bole amk, dude, don't you have a dick? Kisu bolar nai amr. Ami parina. Hoyna. But in the end sei love e amr life ta sesh kore dilo. Prothome amk neshar jogote chure fele dilo. R akhon? Damn life. Fuck you life!
>Beche thakar meaning khuje paina ami. Keno ato kosto shojjho kore beche thakte hobe? Age jokhon suicidal attempt niyechilam jokhon success hole aj amr ato kosto pete hoto na. Hoyto keu mone o rakhto na ai amk. But akhon more geleo mone rakhbe. Pura fmc kadbe hoyot. Tito sir kadbe.


12:28am.

Bristy hocche. Shundor waether.  Amr kono kichutei shanti nai. Sobai khali pain dae. Pain Pain r pain. Ami exhausted.  Jai, ektu juddho dekhe ghumanor try kori. Bye.
>Dhat! Net connection pacche na. Ekdom slow. Page e load hocche na. Page load hole ata publish korei shuye porbo.